Sadness

Going against what was going to be a series of posts relating to friends, how I met them and what they mean to me, I have decided to post about something particularly current. Right now I am caring for my grandmother, while my Aunty and cousins go away for a few days to Queensland. I am only one day into my 6 day stint with her, and already I am going crazy.

For the most part, I grew up with grandmother as a very active, very intuitive and inspirational person. She was a headstrong woman, with a 'proper' answer to everything. She laid the foundation for much of my personal discovery. So, it is with great sadness I have had to witness the demise and diminuition of her mind, and her physical decline to the state known as 'frail'. She is 87 years of age, so it is not all that surprising, but it is a little saddening that she no longer knows who I am. I have already had that experience with a grandmother before, at least this time, my grandmother is threatening to throw a brick at me.

While I am up here, I have to know her routine, prepare her meals and get her places she needs to be. Unfortunately, my Aunty has neglected to let me know when things are happening. However, I do not have to worry about not being awake in time, a little furry annoyance by the name of 'Boots' takes care of that, waking me up at 5.30am!

This is an entirely weird experience, I used to spend a lot of time with my grandma, until things started going awry, and in the past few years I have mainly seen her hospital or at Christmas. She is too easily overwhelmed, so naturally we have had to cut back on how often we see her, less we disorient her further. That is disheartening in itself. Spending this, short week, with her will prove to be emotionally draining. This woman was my idol, for who she was and what she accomplished is amazing, her private wealth is a testament to that. If only she could remember the work she did for the government, for the company she is still technically a director of...

Anyway, that is someone else now, it is not the Tess I am with this week. The Tess I am with is constantly asking me where they are, and informing me she does not know where he is. I am assuming she is referring to my grandpa Des, who never had the opportunity to know. Although last night, she did ask if I was alone or will Des be coming. That was hard...