Who

I guess it’s kind of normal to feel like this, right? I mean… so much is ending, that obviously you’re going to be a bit pensive, morose and even a little depressingly reminiscent about your life? You look back at everything that has happened, all that you have done, and all that you have achieved. At the end of that… assessment, we shall call it, you feel just a little ripped off. Like, you had every opportunity there to take, and the willingness to take it, but something held you back? Because for some stupid reason, you let something insignificant, and temporary, blind your future goal. But when you finally reach that ‘future’ you think back, and hate yourself.

Regret is not necessarily healthy, but it has got to be normal. People always say live your life with no regrets. They are living in the now. Kudos. But when you’re living in tomorrow, you will look back at now and question if you could have been doing something different, something more worthwhile… something a little more stimulating, that could have improved your tomorrow, no? Is it not normal to make that kind of judgment?

So sure, another window will open, and another door will wait to be answered. Opportunity is always knocking they say. There is no point looking backwards, onwards and upwards! It is always positive, the future is always bright. Onwards and upwards! Well, what if? What if the future is not bright at all? What if because of your fallible decision-making skills, the future is nothing but a series of monotonous events you can predict even now? Forecasting the future is always imprecise, but what if the path you have ended up on, only goes one way…? What if there is no fork in the road to consider…? You can argue there always is, but a reasonable person will always choose the same ‘type’ of fork.

There’s no point getting down about it, they say. No point at all. Because you cannot change the past, you can only focus on your future, and making the most of it. Well what if your past, has literally destroyed your future? Naturally, you would live with regret. If you did not, then you are not human. Do not pretend to tell me you live with no regrets, when in fact, you simply must. Because you, like I, could not possibly be happy. For you, to be happy, would mean that you are content and comfortable with the way things are. This is a downright lie. How can you possibly ever be content with all that you have? What you have is never enough, there is always more.

The curse of the perfectionist is that nothing is ever good enough. And indeed, something can always be better, always be improved. The perfectionist thinks in these terms. They make great Quality Control managers. But in your own personal life, this school of thought is harmful. Being a perfectionist means that nothing, nothing in your life is ever going to be good enough. You will always be wanting more, because you know that there is more to have, a better quality of life that can be achieved. It might be Pareto improving, or it might not be, the quality of someone else’s life does not factor into your thought process – the simple fact of the matter is, there is always something better.
So on and on we go, where we stop nobody knows. Unless someone actually does, then that puts a bit of a spanner in the works. Oh hello formerly spoken of spanner, how are you today? Well, the time has come to put everything back into perspective again. I guess this means you must know what it is exactly you are putting into perspective…

When one does achieve what they have set out to, and achieved almost all facets of the goals they have established since they were a whippersnapper, one must set new goals. New goals that reflect who they have become. Begging the question, who have you become? Answer me this. The product of a capitalist system, driven by greed and personal gratification? Tick. The product of a financially questionable upbringing, compromising one’s own ability to manage money, despite education? Tick. The incapability to attracted, be attracted to, the right or sensible people? Tick. The ability to wing one’s way through life, and jump hurdles without knowing its height, length or width, unscathed? Tick. Thus, who have you become? What do all of these things tell you about oneself? I see luck, misfortune, depravity, ignorance, stupidity. I see coincidence, good fortune, good values. They are contradictory in nature, and in practice. Who have you become?