So I must apologise for the lack of blogging recently, and for those of you who have noticed, I did actually post something since Confessions of a Serial Dater #2. But, as you can see that post no longer exists...if I had the benefit of hindsight it would never have been posted.
To explain my unexplained absence from my blog, I will share with you all what has been, some of the most intense weeks of my life. First, I knew I was taking on quite a lot when this semester began. Being my final year, obviously I'm doing all of those things that add to the resume and make me a viable candidate for graduate positions. So amongst internships/volunteer work/casual job/classes/study/assignments ... I have had very little time.
To add to that, I had a very unfortunate experience, one that I would never like to relive or come across again. A friend of mine went under the radar, many weeks ago now, and among our circle of friends we were a bit concerned as it was very out of character. I knew he was a bit sick at the time, though he didn't seem that sick, so I did the hospital ring around to yield no results. Spoke to a number of people he was familar with, and even managed to get in contact with people I had only ever heard of but knew he was close to.
Unfortunately, it got to a point where I went to his house in the hope of finding something there, and what I found wasn't pleasing. Before you think I found his body or something, that's not quite right, what I did find was piled up newspapers, overfilling mailbox, and a car in the garage. The call was made to the police, not by me, I don't think I could have convinced myself that it was necessary, but lo and behold, he was found inside.
It was incredibly sad, as this was one of his worst fears living alone, that he wouldn't be found for days, or weeks. In our (his friends and I) defence, none of us wanted to believe this could have been the reason for him disconnecting from us all, we were all holding out some hope there was another reason.
So, the funeral was had, and it was very, very disheartening given the service hardly related to the person we knew. We then confirmed we would be having a memorial service, as he was a public figure among the gay community, and a very generous man in terms of his time and even with his money for many great causes in the gay community of Victoria. It was a very fitting night, albeit a bit expensive given the choice of venue, although I didn't spend too much.
In addition to all of this, I have been doing graduate applications like no tomorrow. I've been applying blindly to any graduate program, to increase my chance of having a job next year, given I finish my degree this year. So far, I have been selected to progress into the next stage for one of the programs, so here's hoping!
More recently, I have come to realise that I'm suffering some elaborate form of reverse culture shock. Naturally, I was prepared to some extent for a bit of culture shock coming home from Canada. I expected my friends would tire of me talking about Canada, and I understood that. Except that that's not so much an issue. I seem to have experienced some... hybrid version of this reverse culture shock. Rather than my friends being annoyed with me, I just can't seem to reconnect.
The foundations of these friendships have changed, or at least shifted to some degree, and I find myself; constantly, feeling the outcast. There is a number of reasons for this, but while my circle of friends is expanding and overlapping, most of my friends, regardless of which walk of my life they have come from, now have similar wants and desires. Except, they are the complete opposite of my wants and desires.
It's a bit depressing, but meh, I'll deal with it. In the meantime, I have no life. I live vicariously through friends who all seem to be doing exciting things, and I feel rather left behind... but anyway.
For those of you who want to know what happens to Johan, stay tuned, the update is coming.
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2 comments:
I'm really sorry to hear about your friend - had no idea something like that had happened. It's also interesting what you have to say about foundations changing as I haven't noticed any changes - but then perhaps you don't notice minor changes if you're there while they're happening - because it's lots of small things - but if you've been away it seems like one bigger thing? (I apologise if that made no sense!)
Ah, Luke that's no good dude, sorry to hear it. Nobody should have to go through things like that. The fact that you all stuck together and held that memorial was great though, I'm sure he'd have appreciated the thought there.
Oh the grad applications! Good luck with them (you're probably done them by now ... apologies for my blog-tardiness, things have been busy here too!), you'll be fine I'm sure! :)
As for the changed relationships, I noticed exactly the same thing when I got home after my first year abroad. In fact, it was a girlfriend of mine back home that brought it to my attention. She'd been in Perth (and that's not even overseas!) for a year, and we both arrived home at the same time. She mentioned that it felt almost as if she were on a different wavelength to the people she was once closest to and it was quite disconcerting - I felt that as well. I suppose it's the fact that life goes on as normal while you're away, and when you get back you may have experienced things that are very different to the life you (and your friends) are used to. For me it was the mentality I'd just gotten used to in Canada, the people are so similar, yet really quite different, and before returning home I must have absorbed some of that, so it was met with awkwardness. The important thing is that you are still you and they're still them, so if you were friends before, nothing should have changed. :) I'm sure that just like Stella, you'll find your groove again!
Jimzip :D
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