Imminent

Updating my blog is long overdue. I have neglected it for quite some time. In my defence, however, I would like to direct you all to my former post to give rise to this neglect. I have been overwhelmed, and inundated with work and uni for the past few months. On the upside, this is my last semester and ‘when I grow up’ is just a few weeks away. This is actually pretty daunting, and I am not as excited as I should be.

I have, with all honesty, been attempting to plan out the rest of my life. I have put in a lot of hard work trying to secure myself some semblance of a relevant role next year, but thus far been unsuccessful. Apparently a good academic average, no fails, extra-curricula’s, work experience, internship experience, exchange programs, mentor programs… aren’t enough. I am not, however, disenchanted. I know this is common; I am not personally affronted by this fact, just annoyed that I have put all this effort in to receive little or no response.

There is always a door that can open, having said that, and naturally I find myself in front of many doors simultaneously. I can assure you, my legs are aching with the strain this very moment! I have had some discussions with my current workplace, and even a former workplace about my career progression, and to an extent, there is some hope there. Not all is lost!

Bearing in mind my ideas for some travel next year, it probably is not ideal I get myself into a full-time job where taking a few weeks leave is going to be frowned upon. Thus, I think that I have at least come to a decision, that should I not get into a graduate program (of those that are left to get back to me), and should I not decide to continue studying, next year will be my year off. I have studied continuously since the very day I started in prep (for those of you internationals [i.e Kyle :P], this is our first year of primary school). That was, I believe, 1994. That is essentially 16 years of study, with no significant break. So I think taking that time is good for my health, and sanity.

An opportunity has arisen however, and I do find myself questioning whether or not I should take advantage of it. Of course, in a capitalist system we are often brought up with the mentality that it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and if we want to make it far in life, we need to seize opportunities that are good for us, and make our mark on the world. I do buy into this mentality, what can I say, I’m a product of the capitalist system… but I am struggling on carrying this out. This opportunity is a good one, and will add value to my degree should I take it, but it is at the cost of perhaps better suited, more deserving people not having this opportunity. This irks me.

In addition to that concern, there are some personal feelings in there with some (one) of these people. That adds to my frustration in making this decision. I was told today that in the end, I need to think for myself, but be ready to take the knives out of my back – because people will be waiting to do it. TO be honest, I could not care less about most of the knives. It is just the one that worries me, and one that will inevitably be pounded right through my spinal cord, piercing my lungs… And that pain is one I do not think I am mentally fit to take.

SO as you can see, the future is imminent. It is very daunting, and I am a little concerned. But I must say, I do want a break, I need it. That is a part of the plan!
Sorry again for the delay since my last posting, I assure you, I will make more of an effort! :)