Advice

Currently, I am taking the advice of two friends regarding a certain situation. I am a little apprehensive and uncomfortable following the advice. The advice in itself is logical, and makes complete sense; even from two different perspectives. But I can't help but feel uncomfortable with it.

One of the main reasons I don't really like taking peoples advice is because it tends to irk me the possibility that you are not being given this advice in good-faith. I don't doubt either of these people, honestly, but one of them certainly owes me nothing more than another party concerned, so there is the chance of a conflict of interest.

Another reason I don't like this particular advice, is because there is no real timeline. It could be endless, it could end up with what I view as undesirable consequences. These consequences could just be a fact of life, the way it should be, or whatever common, normal label you'd like to put on it. But I still don't like it, and don't want that outcome.

Following other people's advice comes with risks. For some reason, I am following this advice and taking these risks. I don't really like it. But oh well.

Slumber.

And in the morn, I shall don clothes of mourning.
O slumber, why must I awake from thee?
You callously ripped the innocent, fondest of all dreams
From thy humble hands, leaving me in this state!

Ok, so yeah I do not know what is up with that... But I just woke up from the best dream I have ever had. I'm not going to go into detail, that would be sharing much more than I care to with the world... But rest assured it was an innocent dream, as opposed to an R rated dream. And I am actually in mourning for it. I am so depressed by the fact I cannot see the dream to its end. I hate that I woke up :(

It was simply refreshing have this dream. It played out much of what I have wanted to happen. It turned one of my day dreams into pure fantasy of the sub-conscious mind. It was utterly amazing. It's putting your wildest hopes, into a fantastical world where anything and everything can happen, not hindered by barriers of reality. Hence why it was so good. Things I just wish could happen, can just happen - and they did. Oh. I want to live in that dream.

TwentyTen

Before I launch into this blog, I feel it worthy of noting that I am an incredibly poor student. Not poor in the financial sense, poor in the sense that I suck at studying, and doing assignments, I have no work ethic for Uni. I re-read my blogs today, and noticed that every semester I say... "I'm really not motivated this semester, need to pick up my game." It's when I re-read this that I realised, I have never once had a good 'game', at Uni at least. I've always been the average student who pulls off good marks with half-assed effort. Call me blessed if you will, but it certainly leads me to blame these marks for my lack of effort. If you are a Village person, this is my external locus of control speaking :P.

Anyway, the theme, purpose, and intent of this blog is to discuss New Years. This year I find myself in somewhat of a pickle with how I should bring in 2010. There are a number of reasons for this pickle, and I will detail them further, but I would like to also give you a bit of a run-down of the past few New Years Celebrations!

2008 - 2009
This New Year was spent in New York, in Times Square, the biggest party of the world!

2007 - 2008
I spent this with Aaron, crashing 'Green-shirt-Ben's' New Year party, and then going to some other random party in Dingley.

2006 - 2007
I think this New Year was spent with the 'Torquay Group' (Cazi, Nander, Katie, Jess C, Jess R, Kerry and Jenny) and their respective partners, I'm assuming. Pretty sure it was at Cazi's house.

2005 - 2006
This New Years was spent with the family (minus my sister who actually had a life), and a few family friends etc. that came over and made a street party out of the night.

And thus, my memory from hereon fades!

What can be taken from all of these past New Years is that I have always endeavoured to party, it's just been a question of the relative awesomeness of the partying. Without insult to the people who I spent them with, every single one of them sucked. What the hell is up with New Years being the most overrated party in the world!!! NEW YEARS SUCKED ABSOLUTE BALLS IN NEW YORK! It was freezing, thanks to the exclusion zone, I couldn't eat, drink (anything, not just alcohol), pee!!! It was horrible! While I loved the atmosphere of the city, it seriously sucked!

Since then, I decided that I need to have one awesome New Years. Just one, to make up for all of the rest. Therein lies my problem, or at least the beginning of my problems. I am determined to make this New Years amazing, but the people I envisioned myself spending New Years with have other plans which honestly, does not interest me one bit and I cannot think of a worse way to bring in 2010! Thus, I am now lost for what to do to make up for my lacking history of New Years Party's!

Solutions!?

Wondering

I do have to wonder, at which point in the future will i stop allowing myself to be controlled by foolish and immature emotions?

I do apologise for the morose and melancholy blogs recently. Just had the thought, perhap epiphany even, that many important decisions in my life are governed by emotions, that frankly have no place in the decision making process. It has certainly led to irrational decisions, decisions that serve only social goals rather than the deeper personal ones. It irks me, yet I cannot seem to consciously avoid it.

So my followers, enlighten me. Have you found yourself in this position before? If you have, share your stories and perhaps even the secret to overcoming it! :P

Imminent

Updating my blog is long overdue. I have neglected it for quite some time. In my defence, however, I would like to direct you all to my former post to give rise to this neglect. I have been overwhelmed, and inundated with work and uni for the past few months. On the upside, this is my last semester and ‘when I grow up’ is just a few weeks away. This is actually pretty daunting, and I am not as excited as I should be.

I have, with all honesty, been attempting to plan out the rest of my life. I have put in a lot of hard work trying to secure myself some semblance of a relevant role next year, but thus far been unsuccessful. Apparently a good academic average, no fails, extra-curricula’s, work experience, internship experience, exchange programs, mentor programs… aren’t enough. I am not, however, disenchanted. I know this is common; I am not personally affronted by this fact, just annoyed that I have put all this effort in to receive little or no response.

There is always a door that can open, having said that, and naturally I find myself in front of many doors simultaneously. I can assure you, my legs are aching with the strain this very moment! I have had some discussions with my current workplace, and even a former workplace about my career progression, and to an extent, there is some hope there. Not all is lost!

Bearing in mind my ideas for some travel next year, it probably is not ideal I get myself into a full-time job where taking a few weeks leave is going to be frowned upon. Thus, I think that I have at least come to a decision, that should I not get into a graduate program (of those that are left to get back to me), and should I not decide to continue studying, next year will be my year off. I have studied continuously since the very day I started in prep (for those of you internationals [i.e Kyle :P], this is our first year of primary school). That was, I believe, 1994. That is essentially 16 years of study, with no significant break. So I think taking that time is good for my health, and sanity.

An opportunity has arisen however, and I do find myself questioning whether or not I should take advantage of it. Of course, in a capitalist system we are often brought up with the mentality that it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and if we want to make it far in life, we need to seize opportunities that are good for us, and make our mark on the world. I do buy into this mentality, what can I say, I’m a product of the capitalist system… but I am struggling on carrying this out. This opportunity is a good one, and will add value to my degree should I take it, but it is at the cost of perhaps better suited, more deserving people not having this opportunity. This irks me.

In addition to that concern, there are some personal feelings in there with some (one) of these people. That adds to my frustration in making this decision. I was told today that in the end, I need to think for myself, but be ready to take the knives out of my back – because people will be waiting to do it. TO be honest, I could not care less about most of the knives. It is just the one that worries me, and one that will inevitably be pounded right through my spinal cord, piercing my lungs… And that pain is one I do not think I am mentally fit to take.

SO as you can see, the future is imminent. It is very daunting, and I am a little concerned. But I must say, I do want a break, I need it. That is a part of the plan!
Sorry again for the delay since my last posting, I assure you, I will make more of an effort! :)

Overwhelmed

So I must apologise for the lack of blogging recently, and for those of you who have noticed, I did actually post something since Confessions of a Serial Dater #2. But, as you can see that post no longer exists...if I had the benefit of hindsight it would never have been posted.

To explain my unexplained absence from my blog, I will share with you all what has been, some of the most intense weeks of my life. First, I knew I was taking on quite a lot when this semester began. Being my final year, obviously I'm doing all of those things that add to the resume and make me a viable candidate for graduate positions. So amongst internships/volunteer work/casual job/classes/study/assignments ... I have had very little time.

To add to that, I had a very unfortunate experience, one that I would never like to relive or come across again. A friend of mine went under the radar, many weeks ago now, and among our circle of friends we were a bit concerned as it was very out of character. I knew he was a bit sick at the time, though he didn't seem that sick, so I did the hospital ring around to yield no results. Spoke to a number of people he was familar with, and even managed to get in contact with people I had only ever heard of but knew he was close to.

Unfortunately, it got to a point where I went to his house in the hope of finding something there, and what I found wasn't pleasing. Before you think I found his body or something, that's not quite right, what I did find was piled up newspapers, overfilling mailbox, and a car in the garage. The call was made to the police, not by me, I don't think I could have convinced myself that it was necessary, but lo and behold, he was found inside.

It was incredibly sad, as this was one of his worst fears living alone, that he wouldn't be found for days, or weeks. In our (his friends and I) defence, none of us wanted to believe this could have been the reason for him disconnecting from us all, we were all holding out some hope there was another reason.

So, the funeral was had, and it was very, very disheartening given the service hardly related to the person we knew. We then confirmed we would be having a memorial service, as he was a public figure among the gay community, and a very generous man in terms of his time and even with his money for many great causes in the gay community of Victoria. It was a very fitting night, albeit a bit expensive given the choice of venue, although I didn't spend too much.

In addition to all of this, I have been doing graduate applications like no tomorrow. I've been applying blindly to any graduate program, to increase my chance of having a job next year, given I finish my degree this year. So far, I have been selected to progress into the next stage for one of the programs, so here's hoping!

More recently, I have come to realise that I'm suffering some elaborate form of reverse culture shock. Naturally, I was prepared to some extent for a bit of culture shock coming home from Canada. I expected my friends would tire of me talking about Canada, and I understood that. Except that that's not so much an issue. I seem to have experienced some... hybrid version of this reverse culture shock. Rather than my friends being annoyed with me, I just can't seem to reconnect.

The foundations of these friendships have changed, or at least shifted to some degree, and I find myself; constantly, feeling the outcast. There is a number of reasons for this, but while my circle of friends is expanding and overlapping, most of my friends, regardless of which walk of my life they have come from, now have similar wants and desires. Except, they are the complete opposite of my wants and desires.

It's a bit depressing, but meh, I'll deal with it. In the meantime, I have no life. I live vicariously through friends who all seem to be doing exciting things, and I feel rather left behind... but anyway.

For those of you who want to know what happens to Johan, stay tuned, the update is coming.

Confessions of a Serial Dater #2

OK, so this post isn't going to be as lighthearted as the previous, I'm trying to get this post done so as not to leave you guys hanging. I have about another 2 posts I want to put up really soon, and I don't want to inundate you all with 3 posts to read!

Anyway, after the first 'date' with S, I was convinced it went really well, and that this could actually turn into something. I even remember writing a very cryptic blog on myspace, back in the day, about that fact. Because should this turn into something, I would have been changing so many things about myself, and taking quite a few risks, to do it. I came to the decision that I would do it, I would take that risk, or as I put it in the blog, I was going to jump off that cliff and I was going to pray to God the water was deep enough.

That was probably the worst thing I could have done. I had pretty much mentally taking myself off the market, almost practically imagining I was in a relationship with the guy that I haven't even dated for the second time yet. Sound a bit needy? Well I am sure that's exactly how I came off...and everyone knows, no one likes a needy guy....

So we made the plans for the second date, we were going to go to the drive in. And I was pretty pumped, no matter how old school that date was going to be! Anyway, so I'm getting myself all prettyyy, and I get in my car which I had just cleaned (come on, there are few times when I bother to clean my car but if we're going to sit in it for a while watching a movie, I better make an effort!). I begin to drive to his place, which isn't that far from me but nor is it that close... I get a msg from S telling me to hold up a bit because he's running late.

If my addiction to Will and Grace had taught me nothing, then it's no wonder I was oblivious to the fact I was going to be blown off. And that is exactly what happened. I ended up driving around his area for a bit waiting for the msg to say, hey I'm ready... which never came.

I gave up after an hour or so after the movie was meant to start. Sad? Yes. Incredibly. Looking back, I feel like an absolute wanker. But hey. So I when I got him he explained what had happened etc. It was a perfectly reasonable excuse, of which I had no reason to doubt its truth, in fact, doubting it vocally would have made me seem like the biggest asshole known to man, but there are times you just know when they are using something legitimate to get out of something, and this was one of those times.

After our conversation on the phone, he told me had to go but would definitely call me back before he went to bed to make another date. I found myself hanging on my phone for a very long time, falling asleep on my bed in the clothes I'd been in all day, waking up periodically to check my phone. I gave up at 5am!

I didn't hear from him for a few weeks... I got the point.

In more recent news, I went on a date this week. So we'll see how that goes before I start blogging about it.

Confessions of a Serial Dater #1

As promised, through the quirky, and most times intriguing blog In Search of Kyle, I am here to blog about some dating misadventures.

Let me introduce you to S, my date. S and I met in a rather, somewhat, odd fashion. Firstly, through a random add on myspace did I see his face and the like, but not once did we talk on the internet. We actually met face to face, totally by chance, at a local club, straight one, one very drunken night at the beginning of the mid-year break at Uni.

It was a rather awkward meeting, because in my drunken state I had the courage to wave to the guy who's face I had recognised from myspace. He, it seemed, had no idea who I was. Until later in the night, by which point I assume he was sufficiently more intoxicated, had the courage to come up to me and start a conversation. This began a series of endless messaging each other, talking on MSN messenger until unGodly hours of the morning, and on occasion, long and expensive phone calls.

So came the actual first date. Which is so memorable, it took me quite some time to recall the actual first date. Anyway, we decided that because both of our times were rather limited, and both of us as broke as all hell, we'd cheap it out, go hire movies, get some munchies from 24 hour Safeway, and chill back at his place.

I drove to his place, and met him in the sober-flesh, which was all well and good, he was as I remembered him (perhaps a little bit more effeminate). We then proceeded to get in his car, and drive to the video store. When the very first problem of the date became evident.

Problem one: I was far too comfortable talking to him, revealing many things one would never reveal on a first date. There's an episode of Will and Grace that captures this error perfectly, "you have to try not to scare him with all the crazy at once, you've got to get him in and release little bits of crazy over time."

After this realisation, I made every effort to limit how much I was willing to share with the guy. But then came the next problem.

Problem two: The video store was closed! Obviously in our dilly-dallying around, we totally forgot that we met up at like 9pm, and all video stores in our area close at 10pm... and by the time we got there it was well after.

Naturally, we then had to decide what we were going to do instead. S came up with a nice idea of just hanging out, chatting and getting to know each other. I thought this was cute, and totally deserved merit, and showed that I had found one of the few guys that didn't want just sex out of me.

So, of course we ended up not moving from the car park, and chose to just sit in his car talking for hours. When problem one re-visited, I pushed my qualms aside and figured that this is the guy I want to talk about this stuff with, and if I'm comfortable enough, it says something.

But then I realised the next problem.

Problem three: S was not responsive, nor reciprocal in the entire sharing of my life story. Sure it stands to reason, no one should be that comfortable. I should have taken this as a hint, that things were going a bit awry.

After seven, what I thought were successful, hours. Our 'date' ended. I left feeling elated, and really excited.

Stay tuned for what happens next.

Heatwave

So, I figured I'd use my blog to bitch about the heat. There are many critics out there annoyed with us bitching about the heat, but the reality is, this is too hot for us and if you like it, go ahead and enjoy it. We don't like it, and there is little we can do to fix it, so our only option is to bitch! SO I WILL BITCH!

Anyway, Victoria overall has seen some painfully new records in the state, matching records from as far back as 1875. With temperatures hitting 46 degrees celsius, there is no wonder we are bitching. Might I also add that the majority of measuring stations for Meteorologists are actually in the shade? So, that isn't the actual temperature if you are out in the sun.

Along with this freakishly hot weather, many industries and services are struggling. Most notable are the Energy industry, and Public Transport. And you know what? There is no reason, in my opinion, that they should be struggling. There I said it. Most people are a bit understanding given these temperatures are rare. But with the threat of global warming, and the undeniable fact that Australia is a hot country, is no reason for any organisation to have a prepare for the worst scenario. And it is not as if any of this has not happened before, because it has, despite that, these industries are hideously under-prepared for these things to happen.

The Energy industry for example, struggled last summer when the mercury hit record highs for the summer of the year. Power outages resulted, leaving some homes without power for up to 24 hours, while workers were busying themselves replacing blown transformers, and powerstations operating at ten times their capacity.

Connex has come under fire for the hundreds of cancelled train services the past two days. Within reason however, leaving passengers stranded on outdoor platforms in the heat. Trains are breaking down, with air conditioned carriers struggling, and train tracks warping. Fair enough, this is fairly extreme, and unusual, but not unheard of .

Not only has this happened in Australia in the 1960's, and other more isolated incidences since then, but it has happened in Britain numerous years ago, and in other countries. All of which were a result of extreme temperatures that the lines just are not used to. I do not blame anyone for that, no one can really control that. But when extreme weather conditions are predicted, I don't think it is unreasonable for Connex to expect and be prepared for, such things to happen. As uncommon as it may be, given our countries climate and the unpredictability of Melbourne weather on any given day, businesses should always be prepared for the worst in terms of weather.

Adding to this is the threat of Global Warming,these are only issues we are likely to continue to see, as these 'extreme weather conditions' prevalent throughout the world are being attributed to it. Thus, it is high time the Energy Industry stopped cutting corners, upgrading powerstations that are long overdue, and re-allocating energy to different powerstations so that some are not operating above their capacity. There are options available to the Energy Industry to avoid times like these, and as economically unfeasible they are in the short-term, in the long-term with the threat of global warming, it is undeniably an investment.

For Connex, I don't expect given these conditions for things to be perfect. But there was a lack of preparation for a crisis like this to be dealt with. There is a complete lack of organisation at the moment within Connex, very few staff members know what is happening, let alone the passengers. Given the reasonable foreseeability, in my opinion, of this in extreme weather, they should be ready, and have on stand-by other transport options. It has happened before, its not common, but it is something that has happened ONLY in extreme weather conditions. So when such conditions are predicted they should be ready for this.

Another issue with Melbourne is undoubtedly the lowering levels of water. Forgive me for the dramatic comparison, but it's getting almost third-world! Our water, energy and access to public transport is being compromised!

I can handle heat, but the general lack of preparedness to deal with heat, I find shocking. I don't expect things to be perfect, nor for things to run totally smoothly. But we are a hot country, like the rest of the world, under the threat of Global Warming, with the resources, facilities, and capability to avoid such a gross mismanagement of a crisis.

I will reiterate, I don't expect perfection, but I expect better than surprise.

Australian

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to update again, and I feel this may be a lengthy one.

As most of you avid readers and followers of my blog will now, I have returned to Australia from a five-month stint in Canada. I have now been home a week, and I am reminded of what it means to be an Australian, what it means to live in Australia, and all of things, I dislike about Australia.

Well, how to start this... obviously, the most significant change I had to get used to was the weather. I had gone from ridiculously cold (Ontario) to temperate (British Columbia) to extremely hot (NSW and Victoria). I survived the hottest day on record this summer, being only two days ago, and certainly not helped by the bushfires that consumed my suburb.

Thankfully, my house is OK, and everyone has survived. Unfortunately, one house (although not totally destroyed as a result of the fire) was damaged as a result. It was in this moment that I remembered what it was to be Australian, and what being an Australian entails. Bushfires!

Where I have lived my entire life, bushfires have been a harsh, unwelcomed reality of every day existence during the summer. For years we have set records for fires, in size, length, and in the size of the response from the Country Fire Authority (CFA). It's nothing to be proud of, yet it is one of those unfortunate facts.


Source: The Age, Photo by: Angela Wylie
While some, without naming names, will argue the actual threat to my home because it was apparently nowhere near me, I would like said person to have been here when my neighbours backyards were affected by embers causing spotfires. And to have the Council Rangers constantly surveying your property ever 15 to 20 minutes for spot fires, and to be told by Fireys that you should remain on high alert and be prepared to evacuate should the fire continue to burn out of control.

The Australian part however, was seen through the response of the residents, not so much the Fire Brigade. I am incredibly critical of their response on the day, I felt it was organised chaos, it was delayed, and Helitanker support was intermittent and insufficient. Yet, the residents, however Bogan the rest of Victoria think we are, supported and helped each other, throughout the entire time.

I knew nothing of the fire until my next door neighbour, who is new to me, bashed on my door interrupting my Wii bowling, to open the door to clouds of thick, black smoke, and the sight of flames that looked within touching distance. It was from that moment, that all of our neighbours who were home, rushed to scene of the fire because it was ridiculously close to residential areas. I witnessed people breaking into other peoples properties, not for the purpose of stealing or other sinister affair, but to ensure no one was inside, to take out peoples pets.

Law goes out the window in these emergencies, especially those of water restrictions as well. Currently, water restrictions are fairly tight here, and we're encouraged to use 155litres of water per person, per day. That definitely went out the window, and despite some spectator abuse, and disapproval in this (which I found extremely upsetting and unnecessarily rude).

Yet I was still amazed at the willingness of others to put themselves in face of flames, which my next door neighbour did to save a dog he heard barking from a backyard that was moments away from being wiped out by the quickly spreading fire. The instantaneous reaction to spot fires caused in the reserve behind our estate that bordered properties and infiltrated backyards, even without the residents being aware of it, or the CFA for that matter. The duty other residents assumed to secure other peoples houses for those who were not home... That is what it is be to Australian.

We were largely unprepared for a fire of this magnitude, that I will accept, its been years since one of this size and this ferocious. However, it is no excuse for the fire authorities to be unprepared either. I know and understand there were fires throughout Victoria on the day, but to have the two local fire stations totally void of any response for the first half an hour was a disgrace. To have one helitanker dropping water, was an issue. Everytime the tanker went to refill, the fire would spread quicker, and more ferociously.

Sure some of my facts could be wrong, but the Helitanker one is not, and the Fire Brigade response is certainly limited to what I could see...But from my perspective, at least where the main body of the fire was, our two stations were not present. My understanding is they were attending a fire a few suburbs over, obviously they can't leave a fire to burn, but nor should they ever leave a station completely unmanned for their area.

Since this fire, there have been others. So far there was one a suburb over in Langwarrin yesterday, that burnt 6 Hectares (1 Hectare more than Carrum Downs). That response was a lot more impressive, and a lot more organised. And again today, this morning, I was woken up by the helitanker response to another one in Carrum Downs. This could be as a result of still smoldering logs etc, that caught fire and spread, or someone came to finish the job, with whatever bush is left. Either way, today the response was more adequate, more timely, more impressive.

For those of you who don't know, FIRE is my deepest, and worst fear of all. As a child, the threat of bushfire was common, so you can imagine the torment I copped as a kid as a result of where we lived. But today, despite how irrational my fear may be, Fire is one thing I fear the most, above everything.

So to see my favourite Helitanker in the sky, was calming. He wasn't there on Monday, I know he was in Langwarrin yesterday, but seeing him today in Carrum Downs along with Mr. Shiny and New Victoria Helitanker, made me relaxed.



He is a beast, and while not as accurate as Mr Shiny and New, he carries more, and has saved this area numerous times to warrant such weird appreciation.