Overwhelmed

So I must apologise for the lack of blogging recently, and for those of you who have noticed, I did actually post something since Confessions of a Serial Dater #2. But, as you can see that post no longer exists...if I had the benefit of hindsight it would never have been posted.

To explain my unexplained absence from my blog, I will share with you all what has been, some of the most intense weeks of my life. First, I knew I was taking on quite a lot when this semester began. Being my final year, obviously I'm doing all of those things that add to the resume and make me a viable candidate for graduate positions. So amongst internships/volunteer work/casual job/classes/study/assignments ... I have had very little time.

To add to that, I had a very unfortunate experience, one that I would never like to relive or come across again. A friend of mine went under the radar, many weeks ago now, and among our circle of friends we were a bit concerned as it was very out of character. I knew he was a bit sick at the time, though he didn't seem that sick, so I did the hospital ring around to yield no results. Spoke to a number of people he was familar with, and even managed to get in contact with people I had only ever heard of but knew he was close to.

Unfortunately, it got to a point where I went to his house in the hope of finding something there, and what I found wasn't pleasing. Before you think I found his body or something, that's not quite right, what I did find was piled up newspapers, overfilling mailbox, and a car in the garage. The call was made to the police, not by me, I don't think I could have convinced myself that it was necessary, but lo and behold, he was found inside.

It was incredibly sad, as this was one of his worst fears living alone, that he wouldn't be found for days, or weeks. In our (his friends and I) defence, none of us wanted to believe this could have been the reason for him disconnecting from us all, we were all holding out some hope there was another reason.

So, the funeral was had, and it was very, very disheartening given the service hardly related to the person we knew. We then confirmed we would be having a memorial service, as he was a public figure among the gay community, and a very generous man in terms of his time and even with his money for many great causes in the gay community of Victoria. It was a very fitting night, albeit a bit expensive given the choice of venue, although I didn't spend too much.

In addition to all of this, I have been doing graduate applications like no tomorrow. I've been applying blindly to any graduate program, to increase my chance of having a job next year, given I finish my degree this year. So far, I have been selected to progress into the next stage for one of the programs, so here's hoping!

More recently, I have come to realise that I'm suffering some elaborate form of reverse culture shock. Naturally, I was prepared to some extent for a bit of culture shock coming home from Canada. I expected my friends would tire of me talking about Canada, and I understood that. Except that that's not so much an issue. I seem to have experienced some... hybrid version of this reverse culture shock. Rather than my friends being annoyed with me, I just can't seem to reconnect.

The foundations of these friendships have changed, or at least shifted to some degree, and I find myself; constantly, feeling the outcast. There is a number of reasons for this, but while my circle of friends is expanding and overlapping, most of my friends, regardless of which walk of my life they have come from, now have similar wants and desires. Except, they are the complete opposite of my wants and desires.

It's a bit depressing, but meh, I'll deal with it. In the meantime, I have no life. I live vicariously through friends who all seem to be doing exciting things, and I feel rather left behind... but anyway.

For those of you who want to know what happens to Johan, stay tuned, the update is coming.